{"id":15725,"date":"2022-12-03T07:05:50","date_gmt":"2022-12-03T17:05:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thefilipinochronicle.com\/backup\/?p=15725"},"modified":"2022-12-03T07:05:52","modified_gmt":"2022-12-03T17:05:52","slug":"thankful-for-my-pre-holiday-colonoscopy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thefilipinochronicle.com\/backup\/2022\/12\/03\/thankful-for-my-pre-holiday-colonoscopy\/","title":{"rendered":"Thankful For My Pre-Holiday Colonoscopy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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by Emil Guillermo

<\/em>This Thanksgiving, President Joe Biden pardoned Chocolate and Chip, two North Carolina turkeys. But don\u2019t forget about the other 45 million unpardoned birds. Just go vegan.

It\u2019s not impossible to go beyond the cruelty of the Thanksgiving meal. You\u2019ll still be full, but healthier. And if you eat more vegetables, your colon will definitely be grateful.

<\/em>And that was my goal this year, to have a grateful colon.

Consider this your holiday public service announcement.

Colorectal cancer is the second most common cause of cancer among Asian Americans (compared to the third most common in the U.S.), and the most common cause of cancer death among Asian Americans, according to Wiley Research.

So after years of procrastination, the Friday before Thanksgiving, I had a colonoscopy.

Colonoscopy, of course, is a big word for \u201cYour large intestine would like its picture taken\u2014from the inside\u2014now.\u201d

<\/em>In the past, this would seem to be an impossible selfie. God did not make it easy to do such a thing. But thanks to human ingenuity, the idea of a camera up one\u2019s butt was not considered so daunting a task.

<\/em>Today, colonoscopies are practically a drive-through procedure.\u00a0 There are 15 million colonoscopies served in the U.S. each year. It\u2019s practically a McColonoscopy.

<\/em>And yet for some reason, I had remained skeptical. There\u2019s just something about your colon saying it\u2019s ready for its close-up.

<\/em>I had signed up and canceled so many times. I even tried that alternative method I call \u201cpoop in a box,\u201d whereby you simply put your stool in a plastic bag and send it by USPS.

<\/em>I couldn\u2019t do it. I know my mailman. The box sat on my desk empty. And now Katie Couric, whose husband died of colon cancer, has switched from being the face of colonoscopy to pitching women for \u201cpoop in a box.\u201d I still couldn\u2019t.

<\/em>I can\u2019t explain my colonoscopy reluctance, but the facts end up making the case.

<\/em>Colon cancer the most common cause of cancer death among Asian Americans. If you\u2019re over 50, a colonoscopy is the best first step to finding out what\u2019s inside you.

<\/em>But even as I was ready for the procedure,\u00a0in October the\u00a0New England Medical Journal<\/em>\u00a0published a landmark study. that said maybe the benefits of colonoscopies for cancer screening have been oversold.

A group from the University of Oslo did the first head-to-head comparison of colonoscopies vs. doing nothing in a randomized trial.

The results? Only an 18 percent lower risk of getting colorectal cancer and no significant reduction in the risk of cancer death.

Is this study a procrastinator\u2019s enabler?

<\/em>But then I recalled the 2020 death of Chadwick Boseman, the \u201cBlack Panther\u201d actor who died at age 43 of colorectal cancer. That cancer is increasingly hitting younger demos. And it\u2019s a cancer that is preventable if caught in time.

<\/em>You need to take that picture. Finally, my animal rights wife just said, \u201cStop acting like a baby. Just do it.\u201d

So I did.

The prep<\/strong>
The worst thing about a colonoscopy is what they call \u201cthe prep.\u201d It\u2019s what you do to make sure the doctor doesn\u2019t have to see your poop.

The goal is to clean out your intestines with a nice flush. Ask your doctor for the prep that takes just 6 ounces of a clear fluid and tastes like Robitussin. You mix that with 10 ounces of water. And then you drink another 32 ounces within an hour. That\u2019s 48 ounces in total.

<\/em>Big improvement. They used to make people chug a gallon of liquid.

And then you wait till your stomach gurgles and you race to the toilet where you sit down and it feels like a trap door has opened up under your bowels. Or maybe it\u2019s more like Niagara Falls. Results will vary.

<\/em>Remember, you have 48 ounces in you. It doesn\u2019t happen all at once. Maybe eight times over the next 4 hours. It\u2019s an experience.

<\/em>And then 12 hours later, you do it again! Another 48 ounces. In and Out. As you go through it all, your poop evolves from murk to clear. The promised land. That really is the worst part of a colonoscopy. But your colon is now clean and presentable for public viewing.

Thank God for Filipino nurses and Indian doctors<\/strong>
At the hospital, I meet the doctor and try to do a video with my cellphone where he explains how he\u2019s going to take a picture of my large intestine.

<\/em>I repeat the line, \u201cMy colon is ready for its close-up.\u201d My Indian American doctor plays along, but then stops and says, \u201cYou better press start on the camera.\u201d

<\/em>And at that point, I knew I was in good hands. This doctor knows not to forget to press start on his colon cam!

The nurses are all Filipino and they prepare me for the procedure. And they know I am Filipino too when I say my last name, \u201cGuil-yermo,\u201d just like all the Filipinos.

<\/em>You\u2019re like my dad, one said to me. Then she rolls me onto my gurney into the procedure room, the photography suite. One of the nurses who saw me with a camera and taking notes asked, \u201cDo you blog?\u201d

<\/em>And I told them I was a journalist. The doctor though seemed skeptical, just as I was of his colonoscopy. And I said, \u201cDoc, you\u2019re about to put a camera up my butt, is it too much to Google me?\u201d

<\/em>That got a big laugh from the three nurses and the doctor in the operating room. I was the warmup act for my own colonoscopy. They turned me over on the side to insert the camera, but by then I\u2019d been given the sedative Demerol.

<\/em>Demerol, is as you know, an opioid. And I attest it really works. A half dose was all it took. I definitely was not my body. I was somewhere else.

The next thing I knew I was slightly upright, and they were showing me pictures like vacation snapshots.\u201cYour colon,\u201d said the doc proudly. I\u2019m a little woozy, but I\u2019m told they found a small polyp and snipped it off to test for malignancy. Basically, my vegan diet had done the trick. Don\u2019t worry, they said. I had a young man\u2019s colon!

<\/em>And that was that. They send you home. They do 15 million a year of these. Next!

The drive home<\/strong>
On the drive home late in the afternoon, I\u2019m relieved and thankful it was not a big deal. They didn\u2019t find the potential for cancer. And I may not have to do this again for another five years or more.

<\/em>But I\u2019m thinking, I kind of liked this.

<\/em>Maybe I can do this every year. Just for the Demerol? That and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever felt this clean before ever. My colon is empty! It\u2019s a kind of purity like I\u2019ve never felt before as if there is some deeper meaning to my colonoscopy.

<\/em>Was this my cosmic colonoscopy? Letting go of all my poop? I turn to my wife who is driving us home, and she is my reality check.\u201cKnock it off,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s just a colonoscopy.\u201d

<\/em>She\u2019s on to the next thing. Dinner. But not for me. I stayed pure for two more days, drinking just water and coffee and boullion.\u00a0I liked the feeling of emptiness.

<\/em>On Sunday afternoon, I broke the fast with a banana. Still mindful of all those AAPI colon cancer stats. If you are hesitant about the procedure, don\u2019t be.

<\/em>If you are middle-aged or older get a colonoscopy.

And make it special. Do it just before Thanksgiving. Not only will you be primed and emptied out for the big holiday meal, but you\u2019ll also have a bonafide sense of gratitude from the inside out. Guaranteed.

<\/em>EMIL GUILLERMO<\/strong> is a journalist and commentator. His talk show is on <\/em>www.amok.com<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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