{"id":17562,"date":"2023-04-02T22:34:58","date_gmt":"2023-04-03T08:34:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thefilipinochronicle.com\/backup\/?p=17562"},"modified":"2023-04-02T22:34:59","modified_gmt":"2023-04-03T08:34:59","slug":"erectile-dysfunction-immigration-and-an-ilocano-lawyer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thefilipinochronicle.com\/backup\/2023\/04\/02\/erectile-dysfunction-immigration-and-an-ilocano-lawyer\/","title":{"rendered":"Erectile Dysfunction, Immigration, And An Ilocano Lawyer"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq. <\/em>

Full disclosure:
<\/strong>\u201cIt is not the size that matters<\/em>. <\/strong>Even an ant bite can sting.\u201d
\u2013 From \u201cMemoirs\u201d of Emmanuel S. Tipon<\/em>

<\/strong>\u201cYou are a better performer than my husband,\u201d cooed the ravishingly beautiful mestiza to her lover. \u201cAnd he is younger,\u201d she added as a footnote.The Ilocano lawyer who was the object of her affection responded. \u201cI do not have erectile dysfunction. I could make love with you every night.\u201d

\u201cHow about during the day?\u201d asked the mestiza, expecting the lawyer to say \u201ctouche.\u201d

\u201cI have to work during the day so I can give more money to you,\u201d answered the lawyer, who was quick at repartee and avoided acknowledging a touche.

What is erectile dysfunction?
<\/strong>According to Matthew Ziegelmann, M.D., a doctor at the Mayo Clinic: \u201cErectile dysfunction (impotence) is the inability to get and keep an erection firm enough for sex.\u201d

Immigration related marriage not consummated
<\/strong>Immigration officer to visa applicant: Was your marriage consummated?Visa applicant: No, sir.Officer: So, your marriage is not bona fide.Applicant: It is sir, but I cannot have an erection. I have erectile dysfunction.

Patay kang bata ka<\/em>. (You are dead, young man.)

No erectile dysfunction in Ilocano
<\/strong>There is no Ilocano word for \u201cerectile dysfunction.\u201d Our associate Mae Joy and I are writing an English-Tagalog-Ilocano dictionary. We do not have any entry for \u201cerectile dysfunction.\u201d There is no such creature as \u201cerectile dysfunction\u201d among Ilocanos. There is no evidence that the following story is true: A balikbayan man and his new bride went to a first-class hotel in Laoag City, Ilocos Norte for their honeymoon. As they were consummating their marriage, the man asked his wife, \u201cDarling, na feel mo?\u201d The wife replied in disgust: \u201cNapilco\u201d (It is bent).

No erectile dysfunction in the Bible
<\/strong>Biblical scholars find no such thing as \u201cerectile dysfunction\u201d (ED) in the Bible. King Solomon reputedly had 1,000 women in his life (700 wives and 300 concubines). 1 Kings 11:3. You cannot have sex with such a large number of women if you have ED. King David, father of Solomon, had less, but still a significant number. David had to make love frequently to the young Bathsheba, a woman of incomparable beauty, whom he lustfully saw bathing under the last rays of the setting Mediterranean sun.

David stole her from her husband Uriah, a younger man and a soldier in his army, whom David sent to the battlefront to get him killed. David was about 70 years old when he died, but still making love. He is considered Israel\u2019s greatest king. David was a firm believer in God and God rewarded him. No ED.

Then there is Abraham, said to be the patriarch of\u00a0 David and Jesus, who was 100 years old when his son Isaac was born to him and his wife Sarah who was 90 years old.

In addition, Abraham had to make love with the young Hagar, a slave, who was Sarah\u2019s handmaiden but who gave her to Abraham so that he could have a child with her and have an heir. That was before Sarah herself had a child with Abraham.

When Hagar became pregnant, however, Sarah became jealous and treated her harshly and she fled into the desert. She bore a child who was named Ishmael. But after Sarah died, Hagar came back and Abraham married her.

This proves that if you do not waver in your faithfulness to the Almighty He will reward you by allowing you to have a mistress, have an erection, and children even though you are 100 years old and above. I have read the Bible \u2013 both the English and Ilocano version. There is no \u201cerectile dysfunction.\u201d

Viagra and erectile dysfunction
<\/strong>Most people never heard of erectile dysfunction until 1998 when Viagra was introduced by a pharmaceutical company as a \u201ccure\u201d for erectile dysfunction. The Ilocano lawyer tried Viagra. A few minutes later the ceiling turned blue. His heart beat faster. He whispered to his playmate in bed that he had taken Viagra. His playmate demonstrated: \u201cYou told me I was your Viagra.\u201d

The lawyer whispered: \u201cYou are still my Viagra. I just tried Viagra once just to feel its effect.\u201d

Viagra can have deadly results. The Ilocano lawyer told this story when he went to Ilocoslovakia. A former congressman\u2019s son, who was the Ilocano lawyer\u2019s classmate in elementary school, reportedly was told by a woman companion at a hotel to take Viagra.

He took a pill. It did not work fast enough. She egged him to take another one. He did. He died in bed. The woman fled. Police were called to investigate a dead body in the hotel. They found two Viagra containers on the table. The police caught the woman who confessed to what happened.

Relief for erectile dysfunction
<\/strong>Matthew Ziegelmann, M.D. said: \u201cHaving erection trouble from time to time isn’t necessarily a cause for concern. If erectile dysfunction is an ongoing issue, however, it can cause stress, affect your self-confidence and contribute to relationship problems. Problems getting or keeping an erection can also be a sign of an underlying health condition that needs treatment and a risk factor for heart disease.

\u201cIf you’re concerned about erectile dysfunction, talk to your doctor \u2014 even if you’re embarrassed. Sometimes, treating an underlying condition is enough to reverse erectile dysfunction. In other cases, medications or other direct treatments might be needed.\u201d\u00a0

The Ilocano lawyer \u2013 who is now 90 although looking much younger according to adoring women \u2013 was told by his beauteous 40-something doctor that he could expect to live another 10-12 years and that he can still have children.

What is the lawyer\u2019s secret? Spend significant time with young women \u2013 18 and above. Any one below that might get you in trouble with the law. Their youthful vigor and outlook on life will be absorbed by means of osmosis.

There are also enzymes (which speed up chemical reactions in the body) made in the young woman\u2019s mouth which can be transmitted by passionate kisses.

Drink at least half a quart of pasteurized goat milk every day. Eat goat meat. Eat meat from animals with big sexual organs like bulls and bisons. Take all the necessary supplements including those containing horny goat weed and iron. Exercise every day. Exercise even during the long 10-hour airplane flight from Honolulu to Manila. Minimize stress. Be positive. Be optimistic. Believe that everything will be all right.

A very exciting sex life can be achieved if the man has no ailments, all his organs are disease free and functioning properly, and most importantly he has rich red blood flowing smoothly into the penis coupled with a sexually attractive young woman who knows how to stimulate the man to the height of simultaneous orgasm.

As the song goes: \u201cIt takes two to tango.\u201d As the poem puts it. \u201cUseless each without the other.\u201d Or as Emmanuel S. Tipon puts it: BS (Blood and stimulation).

ATTY. EMMANUEL S. TIPON<\/strong> was a Fulbright and Smith-Mundt scholar to Yale Law School where he obtained a Master of Laws degree specializing in Constitutional Law. He graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He placed third in the 1955 bar examinations. He is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court, New York, and the Philippines. He practices federal law, with emphasis on immigration law and appellate federal criminal defense. He was the Dean and a Professor of Law of the College of Law, Northwestern University, Philippines. He has written law books and legal articles for the world\u2019s most prestigious legal publisher and writes columns for newspapers. He wrote the annotations and case notes to the Immigration and Nationality Act published by The Lawyers Co-operative Publishing Co. and Bancroft Whitney Co. He wrote the best-seller “Winning by Knowing Your Election Laws.\u201d Listen to The Tipon Report which he co-hosts with his son Attorney Emmanuel \u201cNoel\u201d Tipon.\u00a0 They talk about immigration law, criminal law, court-martial defense, politics, and current events. It is considered the most witty, interesting, and useful radio show in Hawaii. KNDI 1270 AM band every Thursday at 8:00 a.m.\u00a0 Atty. Tipon was born in Laoag City, Philippines. Cell Phone (808) 225-2645.\u00a0 E-Mail: filamlaw@yahoo.com. Website: https:\/\/www.tiponimmigrationguide.com, https:\/\/www.hawaiianimmigrationattorney.com<\/a>

The information provided in this article is not legal advice. Publication of this information is not intended to create, and receipt by you does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq. Full disclosure:\u201cIt is not the size that matters. Even 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