by Randy Lawrence Tancontian
A year after I was born, my parents separated. My brother and I were left in the care of relatives here in the Philippines.
Thankfully, the relatives we stayed with had some Christian background. They would sometimes bring us to church, Bible studies, and Sunday school.
Though I didn’t fully understand it back then, God used those moments to plant a seed in my heart that would later point me to Jesus.
But growing up without my parents and a stable home environment left a deep wound in me.
I didn’t have a role model to look up to, and I didn’t feel emotionally safe. I carried a lot of questions in my heart—questions I didn’t know how to process.
I remember wondering, “Why wasn’t I born into a complete family?” “What did I do to deserve this?”
That pain followed me for years, and over time, I began to resent my parents. I was angry at them for what happened to our family. I was hurt by their absence.
Even though I didn’t show it on the outside, inside, I felt abandoned, forgotten, and unwanted.
Because of that pain, I started looking for love, attention, and worth in all the wrong places. I got into unhealthy relationships and friendships.
I even became a bully to feel some sense of power or control—it reached a point where I even bullied my own brother.
But what truly consumed me was my addiction to pornography and sexual immorality. I used it to escape the loneliness, anger, and confusion.
Instead of facing the deep pain within, I turned to distractions—numbing myself with temporary pleasures just to feel something other than emptiness.
Beyond these distractions, I didn’t care about my future. I was indifferent toward school and had no direction in life. I was lost, without purpose, merely surviving—not living.
I filled my days with entertainment, games, and social media—anything to avoid facing the truth.
I knew about God and Jesus. I had heard of His love, His power, and His salvation.
But I didn’t live according to His will. I believed in Him, but I didn’t live for Him. My faith was distant, not personal. And so, I continued living in darkness.
Then, during the pandemic, everything changed.
One Sunday, I tuned in to an online service from Christ’s Commission Fellowship. I don’t remember the exact message, but I will never forget the moment. It felt like God was speaking directly to me through the preaching. His Word pierced my heart.
I felt God’s conviction and love in a way I never had before. It was as if He was saying, “This is for you. It’s time to stop running. Come home to Me.”
In that moment, I surrendered my life to Christ. I prayed, “Lord, I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’m tired of the pain, the distractions, the sin. Use my life for something that matters.”
From that point on, God began to change me from the inside out. One of the first things He placed in my heart was a desire to pray. I began seeking Him daily—not out of obligation, but out of a hunger to know Him more.
I started praying a bold prayer: “Lord, make my life useful to You. Help me disciple the next generation. Help me to walk in Your purpose.”
One of the most important steps I took after surrendering to Christ was choosing to forgive my parents.
For so many years, I carried bitterness and resentment toward them, blaming them for the brokenness in our family. But Jesus taught me that forgiveness wasn’t just for them—it was for my own healing.
So, I reached out to them. I reconciled. I forgave them for the pain I had carried for so long. In doing that, God freed my heart, and I experienced a peace I had never known before.
Only then was I able to thank God for my broken family, because if my circumstances had been different, I don’t think I would have ever developed a hunger and desire for God’s love the way I did.
And by God’s grace, I also had the chance to share the gospel with my dad. I told him about the transformation in my life and how Jesus was the one who healed me.
It was a powerful moment—one I never imagined would happen. But through that, God showed me that He’s using my life, even in the relationships that once felt impossible to restore.
I’m about to graduate this year—a milestone I never thought I would reach.
I remember a time when I didn’t care about school or my future. But here I am, standing in the middle of His grace. I also now have a corporate job, an opportunity I know only God could have opened.
On top of that, God, in His overflowing love, gave me a heart for the youth. I’m now discipling students—Christ-committed followers who are also discipling others.
I’m serving in ministry. I’m walking on purpose. I no longer feel lost or directionless. I have peace, clarity, and joy in my heart—all because of Jesus.
He truly answered my prayer to “use my life for something that matters.” And by aligning me with His will, He allowed me to walk in purpose.
He didn’t just take away my sin—He gave me a brand-new heart. He took my brokenness, shame, and pain, and turned them into something beautiful.
Jesus healed wounds I carried for years and gave me a mission to share His love with others.
So, if you’re reading this and carrying wounds from your family—if you’re angry, confused, or tired of pretending to be okay—I want to encourage you with this: Jesus sees you.
And He hasn’t given up on your story. Just like a masterpiece, He’s still painting it.
If you surrender your life to Him, He will transform you, just like He did for me. There’s no sin too great, no pain too deep, that Jesus cannot heal and redeem.
RANDY LAWRENCE TANCONTIAN is a work in progress and a product of God’s grace. He encapsulates his testimony and the hope he now lives with Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
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