Immigrant Bride Fooling Around And How To Unlove A Loved One

by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq.

“I’m a fool to want you
I’m a fool to want you
To want a love that can’t be true
A love that’s there for others too

I’m a fool to hold you
Such a fool to hold you
To seek a kiss not mine alone
To share a kiss the Devil has known

Time and time again I said I’d leave you
Time and time again I went away
But then would come the time when I would need you
And once again these words I’ll have to say

Take me back, I love you
Pity me, I need you
I know it’s wrong, it must be wrong
But right or wrong I can’t get along
Without you.”

Lyrics by Frank Sinatra, Jack Wolf, and Joel Herron
Sung by Frank Sinatra
Dedicated to Ava Gardner

A Filipino tearfully admitted that his young wife who had arrived less than a month ago had left him. She was talking with another man by phone when he arrived home.

Grabbing her cell phone, he threw it on the table. They quarreled. But that same afternoon he bought her another cell phone.

He caught her again communicating with a man. When he arrived home one day, his wife was gone and had left her wedding ring on the bed. The wife’s relative said she moved to the mainland.

He wanted her deported. He showed a picture of his wife and another man cheek to cheek which he discovered through the internet. The next day, he said he changed his mind. He did not want to deport his wife. He said he still loved her. I provided him with guidance on how to unlove someone.

A fool to want her
Many men who claim that they love their wives cannot give her up even if the wife has committed the worst matrimonial sin – adultery.

A friend did not talk with me for a time when I suggested that he divorce his wife after he found that his wife was not faithful. When we resumed talking, he said that Satan was behind his wife’s fakefulness but that Satan was no longer behind her.

I was about to joke that maybe Satan was beside her now, but I held my peace. He said he did not have concrete evidence anyway that his wife was committing adultery. I was going to say that circumstantial evidence is sufficient, but again I remained silent.

As Frank Sinatra’s ballad “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” puts it:

“Use your mentality, wake up to reality But each time that I do just the thought of you Makes me stop before I begin Because I’ve got you under my skin.”

Difficult to unlove someone
For those who are in love, it appears that it is difficult to part with someone you love. It is said to be worse than the death of a person you love.

Frank Sinatra despite all odds refused to “wake up to reality” in pursuing Ava Gardner whom he loved and was obsessed with winning because he had her “under his skin.”

He described his lamentations and desperation by writing the song “I am a fool to want you.” He persevered and won her briefly and then lost her.

But if your loved one is not an Ava Gardner who was beautiful, a good actress, and a wonderful person, is she worth pursuing? Or should you “wake up to reality” and “use your mentality”?

If your “loved one” is an adulteress or unfaithful, is she worth keeping? Are you the forgiving kind?

A California Filipino asked an Ilocano lawyer to reconcile him and his attractive wife who had betrayed him. The lawyer hosted a dinner for both of them in a romantic setting.

The wife complained that the husband was abusive in words and deed. The husband promised to be loving and caring. The wife accepted him.

Later, the guy called the lawyer: “Manong, I cannot make love with my wife anymore. Every time I try to make love with her, I imagine the other guy making love with her.”

“It is just marrying a widow or divorcee, another guy has made love with her before,” explained the lawyer.

“But I would not want to marry anyone but a virgin,” the guy responded.

“Welcome to the club,” cheered the lawyer.

How to unlove someone
How then do you unlove someone you love? The first thing to ask is what made you fall in love with this person? Do these reasons still exist? If not, then as the Bible says: “There is a time to stay and a time to leave.”

If it is time to leave, “cut and cut cleanly,” as President Marcos was told by the Americans during the EDSA coup d’etat. Be civil and do not hurt the other person. Do not “burn bridges behind you.” You might have to return someday.

Avoid or minimize contact with her. Remove everything that reminds you of her. “Out of sight, out of mind.” Think of all the bad things that she did and balance them against the good things.

Is she truly worth loving? Is she trustworthy? Is she beautiful or are you blind? Did you enjoy each other’s company and had fun being together?  Did she show that she loved you and cared about you? How was her bedroom performance? What did she bring to the relationship?

“She only brought her panties,” remarked a disgusted relative of a man who hesitated to give up his attractive wife. “It’s good if she had panties,” quipped a bystander.

Only the love of another woman can make a man unlove a woman. There are many fish in the ocean. Cast a bigger net. Go to a different ocean. You might think that the woman you love is more beautiful than your new find. But beauty is only skin deep. What happens if this beautiful woman’s face is blemished by an accident or disease? Would you still love her?

Inadmissibility or deportability of an unfaithful wife
How do you get the immigration authorities to deport your unfaithful wife? Report the facts and let them decide under what provision of law she should be deported.

Before you ask them, divorce your wife first. Immigration authorities will ask you if she is that bad and why are you still married to her.

When and where did the adultery occur? In her home country while waiting for your petition to be approved or after she arrived in America?

Are there children who are the fruits of her adulterous relationship?

There was a young woman who went to the U.S. Embassy for her visa interview carrying a baby.

The consul asked if the baby was their child with the petitioner. She said, “Yes.” The consul asked when the child was born. She gave the date. He asked when the last time her husband and she were together. She gave the date. It was more than 9 months.

The consul said that it could not be their child with her husband. She insisted that it was. The Fraud Prevention Unit questioned her neighbors, checked the hospital records, and grilled the woman until she finally confessed that the father was not her husband. The consul refused to give her a visa for having made false statements before a consular official.

The husband wrote to the consul that he loved his wife and had forgiven her and given her a visa. The consul refused.

There is relief under immigration law. But the husband’s family did not want to spend the money to help a shameless woman who might also commit adultery upon landing in America.

How do you prevent your wife from committing adultery? There is a couple – the man was 90 and the alien wife was 60 and still very attractive – who spent every day together. The man recently joined our Creator.

It is safer for a man to marry a woman who loves him than a woman he loves.

ATTY. EMMANUEL S. TIPON was a Fulbright and Smith-Mundt scholar to Yale Law School where he obtained a Master of Laws degree specializing in Constitutional Law. He graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He placed third in the 1955 bar examinations. He is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court, New York, and the Philippines. He practices federal law, with emphasis on immigration law and appellate federal criminal defense. He was the Dean and a Professor of Law of the College of Law, Northwestern University, Philippines. He has written law books and legal articles for the world’s most prestigious legal publisher and writes columns for newspapers. He wrote the annotations and case notes to the Immigration and Nationality Act published by The Lawyers Co-operative Publishing Co. and Bancroft Whitney Co. He wrote the best-seller “Winning by Knowing Your Election Laws.” Listen to The Tipon Report which he co-hosts with his son Attorney Emmanuel “Noel” Tipon.  They talk about immigration law, criminal law, court-martial defense, politics, and current events. It is considered the most witty, interesting, and useful radio show in Hawaii. KNDI 1270 AM band every Thursday at 8:00 a.m.  Atty. Tipon was born in Laoag City, Philippines. Cell Phone (808) 225-2645.  E-Mail: Website:

The information provided in this article is not legal advice. Publication of this information is not intended to create, and receipt by you does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.

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