by Darla Baltazar
Before I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I prided myself on being an overachiever, excelling in most things I put my hand to – academics, sports, and music.
I lived for the applause of others, believing that my worth was tied to my performance.
At home, it seemed that excellence was the standard, and I felt that love had to be earned and weaknesses had to be hidden.
This mindset carried over into my relationships, from which I desperately sought affirmation and approval.
I attended an all-girls school where I found comfort in my best friends, but my attachments were unhealthy.
I idolized them, invested too much time and emotion in them, only to be left hurt and confused when these relationships eventually became toxic and ended.
This pattern of emotional dependency followed me into college, leading me into a same-sex relationship. And even then, I was eventually replaced, once again feeling abandoned and unwanted.
It was during this season of brokenness that I first sensed God’s pursuit of me.
A friend asked me, “Darla, where do you find not just temporary happiness, but lasting joy?” I didn’t have an answer, but he shared his – Jesus.
Soon after, he invited me to Elevate, where I heard the gospel clearly for the first time. Though I had not yet received Christ, God planted a seed in my heart.
The following year, I experienced yet another painful falling out with a close friend. It prompted me to begin reading the Bible on my own to search for answers.
The Book of Romans captivated me, “Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” revealing a God who loved me not because of what I do right, but through what He did on the cross.
And all I needed to do was receive this gift of salvation by grace through faith.
A year later, I returned to Elevate on my own and finally surrendered my life to Jesus. I joined a Dgroup, and for the first time, I felt free from the pressing weight of performance and seeking to please people.
Dgroup was the space where I did not have to impress, but could confess my deepest shame. And instead of condemnation, I felt God’s compassion.
When I chose to repent, I felt God’s forgiveness and healing.
But becoming a follower of Christ did not instantly erase my struggles.
My faith was soon tested when I developed a new close friend, and my tendency toward emotional entanglements resurfaced.
I wanted to love God more than I loved my friend, so that season eventually came to a close through much prayer, accountability, and God’s intervention. I learned to grow in my daily dependence on God.
In the next two years, I immersed myself in discipleship and serving in ministry.
God also gave me the chance to share the gospel through music as an independent Christian artist. But there was still a time when I once again compromised and fell into sin. Even as a more mature Christian, I still failed.
Yet, even in my rebellion, God was faithful. During the prayer and fasting week at the start of 2024, I pleaded with God to finally free me from my relational crutches.
His answer came swiftly but painfully. He allowed conflicts in important relationships, and another lost friendship, revealing what I needed to surrender to Him.
In my brokenness, I humbled myself before God.
I confessed everything to my leaders and entered a season of restoration, stepping away from ministry to focus solely on my relationship with Christ.
During this time, I immersed myself in the Word of God daily.
It was also then that I joined Christ’s Commission Fellowship’s (CCF’s) Glorious Hope program, where God deeply ministered to me.
Though my flesh and my heart may fail, God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Jesus took away my shame, renewed my mind, and gave me a new purpose – to lead others to the freedom I had found in Him.
Today, by God’s grace, I am more accountable to my Dgroup leader, and I am also discipling young women, one of whom is already discipling students as well.
God has also blessed me with healthy, Christ-centered friendships, such as in the B1G singles’ ministry of CCF Katipunan.
I also shared the gospel with my mom, and now she is regularly attending Sunday services with me.
I am blessed to declare that I continue to experience and live out God’s love and joy in my life.
My name is Darla Baltazar, no longer living for the approval of people, but for God’s glory and pleasure. To Him be all the honor and praise, now and forever!
My baptism in 2019 at the Elevate Katipunan Retreat at CCF’s Mt Makiling Recreation Center.
DARLA BALTAZAR is currently a discipler and worship leader at Christ’s Commission Fellowship Katipunan and actively serving in the Be One with God singles ministry.
About Author
+ There are no comments
Add yours