Finding The True Lover Of My Soul

by Shane Matanga

My parents separated when I was 13, leaving me and my siblings to be raised by our grandparents, who had limited resources to support us.

Our household lacked parental presence, love, and affection, and this void deeply impacted us. Growing up in such an environment was challenging, and I longed for a sense of stability and belonging.

In high school, I started drinking alcohol as a way to cope with my feelings of emptiness.

By my twenties, I had become a heavy drinker. The friends I surrounded myself with influenced me to lead a lifestyle centered around nightlife and parties.

This exposure led me down a path of using party drugs, engaging in multiple hookups, and jumping from one relationship to another in a desperate attempt to avoid the feeling of being alone.

In 2016, I started working in the casino industry. This job introduced me to the lifestyle of the wealthy, which I found fascinating and alluring.

Their extravagant possessions and carefree lives seemed like the solution to my problems, and I began to desire a similar life for myself.

In 2017, I became a secret mistress to one of our patrons, a man 30 years older than me. This relationship offered me financial freedom and an escape from my worries, as he generously lavished me with money and material possessions that extended even to my family.

Our affair continued for years, to the point where he planned to leave his wife for me. However, during this time, I also entered into a relationship with a single man my age.

I juggled both relationships simultaneously without either man being aware. I felt no remorse or conscience about my actions, unaware that God was already preparing to rescue me from this life of sin.

In January 2019, my entire world shattered when I discovered I was pregnant. The news left me overwhelmed and terrified of losing the life I had built.

My initial reaction was to have an abortion to preserve my current lifestyle. However, during the check-up before the procedure, hearing my baby’s heartbeat softened my heart.

I realized I was nurturing another life within me and could not choose to end it. I decided to confront both men and tell them the truth. Despite knowing who the father was, I decided to end both relationships and committed to raising my child on my own.

My aunt called me one day, and I opened up about my troubles. She prayed for me and suggested I visit Christ’s Commission Fellowship (CCF).

It took me some time to act on her advice, but eventually, I decided to give it a chance. After my first visit, I found myself attending every Sunday.

In April 2019, I completely dedicated my life to Jesus after hearing the story of the adulterous woman brought to Jesus in John 8.

I felt a deep sense of love, forgiveness, hope, and peace.

Jesus washed away my shame and guilt, clothing me in righteousness, dignity, and value.

Since then, I have kept myself surrendered to Jesus by reading His word and being part of a community where I can journey with other believers and be accountable.

In 2020, I joined CCF’s singles ministry Be One with God (B1G) Fridays and was blessed to serve as a facilitator in 2021.

This journey has continued until today, and I am now in my fourth year of serving God and His people at B1G Fridays.

In 2023, with the encouragement of my group leader, God prompted me to journey with women who are solo parents.

I am now walking alongside five beautiful single mothers with full confidence and dependence on Jesus, knowing that in Him, our family is secure and complete, lacking in nothing.

Today, the father of my child and I have agreed to co-parent our son to ensure his well-being, but my utmost dependence is on God, who is always more than enough.

I am Shane Matanga, once a lover of men and money, now finding the Lover of my soul, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To Him be all the glory!

SHANE MATANGA is a committed follower of Christ, a God-dependent single mother, and an active servant of the Lord. She is raising her child with strong faith values while actively participating in church community. Her devotion to her faith guides her in all aspects of her life.