My Motherhood Story
by Seneca Moraleda-Puguan
I love my children, my 5-year-old Callie and my 2-year-old Yohan. I adore them and I love telling the world about them – their milestones, their funny antics, their cool moves and wise words.
My Facebook friends know this. Most, if not all, of my posts are about them and how grateful I am to God for the blessing that my children are to me and my husband, John Marc.
But what the world doesn’t know and what I don’t often share are the challenges that I face, the pains that I feel, the questions that I have and the hardships that I endure as I raise and spend every moment with my two kids.
The world doesn’t know how many times my children get on my nerves, how I want to throw all their toys away, the moments I just want to shout at the top of my lungs and cry bucket of tears out of frustration and disappointment.
The world doesn’t know the loneliness that creeps in when I am confronted with children that are rowdy and fighting each other, the dishes in the sink that are all piled up, the clothes to be laundered that are mountain high, the rooms that are all topsy-turvy.
The world doesn’t know the anxiety that I feel when my children get sick, when they don’t eat well and when they are exposed to elements that can cause them harm.
I am proud of my kids but there are moments I am not proud of myself. Many times, I feel like I am failing at parenting. I yell at my daughter when she disobeys, I spank my toddler when he throws a tantrum. I get impatient and I lose my temper.
There are times I forget that my children are simply being kids but I treat them as adults. I teach my children good values and virtues but I fail to exemplify them. And I hate myself for it.
My heart aches when I realize that I am becoming an irritable, grumpy and angry momma. But the best thing about being a mom to two very young kids, they teach me about forgiveness. When I feel like I’m losing it, Callie and Yohan still make me feel I’m the best mom in the world
I dream big dreams for my children, but I have forgotten my own dreams. When I became a mother, I sacrificed a lot of things including my dreams. I have always wanted to be a travel writer, but it had to be put aside. I was serving the church fulltime, but I had to step down to be a fulltime mother.
There are things I want to do for myself and by myself, but motherhood has taken over my life.
But looking at my children and how great of a gift they are to me, they are worth it. The joy of having them in my life cannot compare to the joy of fulfilling my dreams and ambitions. Not only are they a fulfillment to a dream, but they are also an answered prayer.
I love my children with all my heart that I lay my life for them that I forget to love myself. I always say the motherhood is hard but the joy outweighs it all. It’s true. It will always be true. But what I learned is that it’s okay to not to be okay all the time.
It’s okay to sigh, to cry, to be sad, to get angry, to feel weak but I remind myself to not forget to laugh, to have some me-time, to have some quiet time, to take as much time as I want in the toilet to get away from them, to read a book while sipping coffee while they are asleep, to watch a movie, to put on some make-up, to dress up, to spend time with mommy friends and cry and laugh with them and share with them my stories.
I tell myself that it’s ok to make mistakes and to not be too hard on myself; that it’s ok to not be in control because God is. As I lay down my life for your family, I choose to also love myself and receive the love that my Heavenly Father has for me because I cannot give what I do not have.But through all the joys and pains of motherhood, this I know for sure – God’s grace is sufficient. Being a mother is a calling and God will supply everything that we need to fulfill this role. And I am a testament to this. The world may not hear your silent cries and see the difficulties you are facing, but God knows. He sees your efforts, He feels your heartaches, He hears your cries.
Momma, despite your failures and shortcomings, simply being called a ‘mommy‘, ‘mom‘, ‘mama‘, ‘nanay‘, ‘ma‘ or however you call it is worth being proud of.
You have been called to steward, mold and raise someone who will be a world changer, one who can change the course of history. It is something to be proud of.
Yes, you may have given up some dreams that you have for yourself to take on the role of being a mother but know that God can still redeem those dreams so please don’t give up on them and continue to dream big dreams.
And take time to pamper yourself. Allow yourself to be filled with love from your husband, from other people and most of all from your Heavenly Father. Let that love overflow to your children.
Being a mom is a forever role but raising them in your home is just for a season. Someday, they will have their own wings and they will fly and lead their own lives. So as difficult as it may seem, enjoy every moment with them.
You are worth celebrating every single day, Momma. You have the most important and difficult job in the world, the whole world knows it and is proud of you. Be proud of yourself, dare to dream big dreams and love yourself.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”
– Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
– Proverbs 31: 25-31 (NIV)