by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq.
Being “crazy” is not bad, as when a young man tells his inamorata: “I am crazy about you.”
Being a “fool” is not bad either. An Ilocano lawyer from Honolulu who met an 18-year-old virgin in Baguio City went singing in the rain together at the Baguio Botanical Garden during the October 2022 typhoon. What were they singing? The lawyer’s signature song, “Fools rush in, where angels fear to tread.”
Insanity is a mental illness and is curable. Mental hospitals abound in America.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, stupidity refers to “being slow of mind, acting in an unintelligent or careless manner, lacking intelligence or reason, or acting senselessly.”
Stupidity has no cure. But its adverse effects in immigration cases can be alleviated by an excellent lawyer.
Father admits to licking his daughter’s pussy
The most disgusting case I ever handled involved a 40-something father who admitted that while he was massaging his daughter’s legs he licked with his tongue her vagina without any complaint from her daughter. For all we know, she might even have enjoyed it.
In Cleveland Clinic’s description, the vagina is “a muscular passage leading out of the body of a woman; it is an essential part of a woman’s external genitals, or vulva, which allows a woman to experience sexual pleasure.”
“Pussy” is slang for female genitals. Donald Trump described his interactions with women as having “grab them by the pussy.”
The man was charged and convicted in a Hawaii court for sexual abuse. Then he was placed in deportation proceedings and charged with “murder, rape, and sexual abuse of a minor.” It is an aggravated felony and there is no relief from deportation.
We represented the man in immigration court. We asked the immigration judge to dismiss the case. We argued that licking a pussy is not murder.
Licking a pussy is not rape because rape means sexual intercourse by force using sexual organs, and in this case, there was no force, and the tongue is not a sexual organ. Licking a pussy is not sexual abuse because abuse requires more than one incident and there was only one incident here.
Furthermore, the term “sexual abuse” is unconstitutionally void of vagueness. What constitutes “sexual abuse” to one person might not be “sexual abuse” to another.
Therefore, like beauty, “sexual abuse” is in the eye of the beholder. That is unconstitutional. The Immigration Judge granted our motion to dismiss. The Department of Homeland Security is complaining about the dismissal.
We asked the guy why he licked his daughter’s pussy. He said he did not know, and he started to cry. We asked why he admitted to doing it when there were no witnesses. He said he did not know. It is not stupid to lick a pussy. I know at least one who has done it. It is admitting it that is stupid when it is a crime in that state and no one knows it, except the pussy licker, the daughter, and God.
I was in Baguio City on Oct. 25. I spent the evening drafting a Petition to Set Aside the Conviction of the pussy licker because I found out that he was deprived of his constitutional rights to due process of law and that he was tried and convicted without being indicted by a grand jury.
At about 11pm, my legs were shaking. I thought I might have a stroke or something. Then the telephone rang and the frantic voice said: “Earthquake, earthquake. Everybody must leave the hotel. Use the stairs.”
My son, Noel, a criminal defense attorney said that the earthquake was an omen. I asked him if it was good or bad. He said we will know when the judge rules on the petition which has been filed following my return to Hawaii.
I believe the earthquake was a good omen and that the judge will set aside the conviction.
Husband refuses to have sex with horny wife
Two Filipinos met in the Philippines. They had sex before they got married at the instance of the woman. “Gutom” as they say in Tagalog (meaning “starved”).
After the woman petitioned the man and he arrived in Hawaii, she wanted to have sex almost every day. The man should rejoice. But he did not. There are limits to a man’s sexual potency which no amount of Viagra can bolster.
One evening, the woman arrived home smelly from a hard day’s work at a hospital. She wanted to have sex. The man declined. He told her to take a bath first. The woman was infuriated and threw away his clothes outside the doorway. When a woman is horny, she is wilder than the wild bull of the pampas.
The man should have remembered that his green card was conditional for two years. He must please the petitioner and do her bidding, otherwise, she could do anything to torpedo the relationship.
The man should have told his wife: “Darling, let’s take a warm shower together.” When taking a shower together, use a bar of soap (not liquid soap), preferably Yardley, to gently soap every part of each other’s body, especially the most intimate parts. If this erotic exercise will not result in consummation, we do not know what will.
But the man was stupid. He did not ask his wife to take a shower together. The wife divorced him. The man did not file a petition to remove the conditions on residence within the two-year period.
Since his wife could no longer co-sign it, his divorce was finalized after the two-year conditional residency expired. He was now deportable.
Worse, the wife wrote a letter to USCIS that their marriage was fraudulent and that they never had sex. The man remarried. The second wife petitioned for her husband. USCIS denied her petition reasoning that her husband’s first marriage was fraudulent, and his second marriage did not cure the fraud.
We were asked to represent him. We told USCIS that the first wife’s complaint was merely the raving of a scorned sex maniac for “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” quoting William Congreve.
We demanded to cross-examine the first wife. We told USCIS that our client would show they made love almost every night. USCIS refused. We appealed to the Board of Immigration Appeals. It reversed the USCIS and ordered it to comply with our demands. USCIS approved the second wife’s petition, rather than comply with our demand.
If the man was not so stupid as to refuse a horny wife’s nocturnal advances, he would not have had to undergo all this trouble, trauma, and spend money for attorney’s fees.
The information provided in this article is not legal advice. Publication of this information is not intended to create, and receipt by you does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.
ATTY. EMMANUEL S. TIPON was a Fulbright and Smith-Mundt scholar to Yale Law School where he obtained a Master of Laws degree specializing in Constitutional Law. He graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court, New York, and the Philippines. He practices federal law, with emphasis on immigration law and appellate federal criminal defense. He was the Dean and a Professor of Law of the College of Law, Northwestern University, Philippines. He has written law books and legal articles for the world’s most prestigious legal publisher and writes columns for newspapers. He wrote the best-seller “Winning by Knowing Your Election Laws.” Listen to The Tipon Report which he co-hosts with his son Attorney Emmanuel “Noel” Tipon. They talk about immigration law, criminal law, court-martial defense, and current events. It is considered the most witty, interesting, and useful radio show in Hawaii. KNDI 1270 AM band every Thursday at 8:00 a.m. Atty. Tipon was born in Laoag City, Philippines. Cell Phone (808) 225-2645. E-Mail: email@example.com Website
by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq.