Courtship And Immigration – Necessity Of Patience, Persistence, Perseverance, And Passion

by Emmanuel S. Tipon, Esq.

“But you were so persistent, You wore down my resistance, I fell and it was swell.” – I’ve Got a Crush on You lyrics by Ira Gershwin and sung by Frank Sinatra

“I would sacrifice anything come what might, For the sake of having you near.” – I’ve Got You Under My Skin lyrics by Cole Porter and sung by Frank Sinatra

“Once you have found her, never let her go, Once you have found her, never let her go.” – Some Enchanted Evening lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II and Richard Rodgers and sung by Ezio Pinza

Singer Frank Sinatra is the most famous and most persistent suitor in modern times as he pursued the breathtakingly beautiful movie star Ava Gardner with passion. But Frank had a very difficult time.

I met Frank Sinatra at the Circle Theater near San Francisco in the 80s. He does not exude the charm of Bongbong Marcos, the machismo of Clark Gable, Ava’s co-star in Mogambo with whom she allegedly had a romantic interlude, and the charisma and sense of humor of the popular Mickey Rooney, Ava’s first husband when she was only 19.

Frank’s travails are memorialized in the song in which he wrote “I am a Fool to Want You.” But Frank persisted – and he won – by wearing down the resistance of Ava. His success is immortalized in the song which he sang: “But you were so persistent, you wore down my resistance.” Patience and perseverance, indeed, pay off.

Meaning of patience, persistence, perseverance, and passion
According to Merriam-Webster, patience means to be “able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.”

Persistence is defined as “continuing firmly or obstinately in a course of action in spite of difficulty opposition.”

Perseverance means continuing “in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.”

Passion means “ardent affection; a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.”

Those who have been told “No” should hearken to the fact that a “No” could mean “not right now.”

However, even if a suitor has all the 4 P’s if he has little or nothing to offer to the object of his affection he will not succeed. If the suitor has rivals, he should have something to compensate for or even overcome what the rivals have.

Frank had a lot to offer. He was a popular singer and had money. And if the following is not a “cock and bull” story, Frank had more. In 1952 a reporter asked Ava “What do you see in this guy? He’s just a 119 pound has been!” Ava reportedly quipped: “Well, I’ll tell you – 19 pounds is cock.”

The suitor must have confidence, without actually bragging about it, unlike Muhammad Ali who said “I am the greatest. I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”

Saying a little prayer might help. That would be the 5th P.

Not all 4 Ps needed all the time
In many situations, a suitor might need all of the above-mentioned traits to succeed in love, but in other situations, he does not need them. It depends on the suitor and the object of affection. There are situations when the suitor has not even started to court the lady and he is already on the road to victory.

An Ilocano lawyer was at a party with the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He sat at the head of the table and the lady was on his right. The woman, a mestiza, was very attentive and kept serving him food and wine.

He asked, “Do you believe in love at first sight?” The lady answered: “No. How about you?” The lawyer countered: “I did not – until I met you.” The lady smiled.

There was dead silence among the other guests. The lawyer felt that he might have committed a faux pax, so he excused himself, saying he had to drive to Ilocos early the next morning.

Later that evening, the party’s host called the lawyer saying that the mestiza was inviting them all for dinner at her home on Valentine’s Day. The lawyer said that he would be in the Ilocos on Valentine’s Day to meet with an 18-year-old virgin, but that he would be happy to accept the invitation when he returns.

He returned and met the mestiza again, one thing led to another, they traveled abroad, and enjoyed life together. He was not really in love with her. But she was. And she would sometimes say with tears in her eyes: “Why did you make me fall in love with you? I wish I had never met you. I know I can never have you.” They were both married to others.

Immigration and the 4 P’s
In the immigration field, patience, persistence, perseverance, and passion are helpful traits to have. An 85-year-old nondescript Ilocano from Ilocos Norte met a town mate – an attractive 25-year-old virgin.

He bought her a cell phone. He returned to his California home. He called every day, sometimes twice a day, for almost four years. He won her and went home to marry her. He filed an immigrant visa petition for the virgin, it was approved, and the virgin was given an immigrant visa to come to the United States. I asked the girl if she really loved the man. She said “Yes.” Patience, persistence, and perseverance do work. Passion? The man did not look passionate.

A 90-year-old Ilocano U.S. citizen met a 50-year-old Ilocana who came to the U.S. on a tourist visa. They would take the bus to go around Oahu Island. He courted her and was very kind to her. He offered to petition for her children from her previous husband. They were married.

He filed an I-130 petition for her, and she applied for an adjustment of status. At the interview, I whispered to the immigration officer that if you ask about sex, the man told me that even if he swallowed a handful of viagra he could not have an erection. The officer smiled and agreed. He approved their applications. Patience and persistence paid off.

In dealing with immigration officers, you must also have patience, persistence, and perseverance. They do not appear to like immigrants and want to deny them benefits and even deport them.

An Ilocano was petitioned by his U.S. citizen wife to immigrate to the U.S. The petition was approved, and he came to the U.S. One evening the wife arrived home and wanted to have sex with him. He told her to take a bath first. The wife was furious, quarreled with him, threw his clothes out of the house and told him to get out. She divorced him and wrote to USCIS to deport him because they never had sex.

The man remarried. His second wife filed an immigrant visa petition for him. He applied for adjustment of status. USCIS denied the petition saying his first marriage was not bona fide.

We represented him. We challenged the USCIS decision, arguing that the first wife’s complaint was merely the raving of a scorned sex maniac for “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,” quoting William Congreve.

We asked to see the previous wife’s letter and demanded that we cross-examine her otherwise he would be deprived of due process of law. We told USCIS that our client would show that they made love almost every night. USCIS refused. We appealed to the Board of Immigration Appeals. We won.

The BIA ordered USCIS to comply with our demands. USCIS approved the immigrant visa petition and the adjustment of status. The patience, persistence, and perseverance of the lawyer and client saved another Ilocano from deportation.

ATTY. EMMANUEL S. TIPON was a Fulbright and Smith-Mundt scholar to Yale Law School where he obtained a Master of Laws degree specializing in Constitutional Law. He graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He placed third in the 1955 bar examinations. He is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court, New York, and the Philippines. He practices federal law, with emphasis on immigration law and appellate federal criminal defense. He was the Dean and a Professor of Law of the College of Law, Northwestern University, Philippines. He has written law books and legal articles for the world’s most prestigious legal publisher and writes columns for newspapers. He wrote the annotations and case notes to the Immigration and Nationality Act published by The Lawyers Co-operative Publishing Co. and Bancroft Whitney Co. He wrote the best-seller “Winning by Knowing Your Election Laws.” Listen to The Tipon Report which he co-hosts with his son Attorney Emmanuel “Noel” Tipon.  They talk about immigration law, criminal law, court-martial defense, politics, and current events. It is considered the most witty, interesting, and useful radio show in Hawaii. KNDI 1270 AM band every Thursday at 8:00 a.m.  Atty. Tipon was born in Laoag City, Philippines. Cell Phone (808) 225-2645.  E-Mail: Website:

The information provided in this article is not legal advice. Publication of this information is not intended to create, and receipt by you does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.

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